Pint sized pleasures

With every child, a re-set button. A family "start again" switch that begins the moment that little stick comes back with two straight lines. The re-set is a do-over in all things: the happy [first smile, first tooth, the wonderful cuddles and coos], the dull [picking up bite-sized bits of food off the floors of "family friendly" restaurants, the interest in baby excrement as a window into baby's health] and the awful [sleepless nights and nights, the constant scan for choking-sized objects, the inflexibility of an infant].

Our decision to spend the beginning of this summer in Europe was a family "thumb of our noses" at that re-set button. After all, if we wait until Rachel, now 10 months, is ready for real adventure, then Maddy, now 9-years-old, will be ready for high school. Plus, Michael and I have been in a little bit of a holding pattern for nine years, and it was time to do something different. Many friends have asked me, "how can you travel across the world with four young children?"; my answer: how can I not?

But, a catch. While Michael and I have spent the past nine years going through baby and baby and baby, this is Rachel's first go around. And sometimes she lets us know: enough.

Last week, on our fabulous adventure to Varazze, we pushed Rachel a bit. Unfortunatly, on the night before our arrival, Rachel became sick with a very high fever, and by the time we reached Varazze it was clear we had a sick kid. But, there was no time for a sick kid: we were ready to have fun with the Italian side of the family. A big party was planned, and lots of great times ahead! So... we kept her up for the marvelous party [she finally fell asleep at 11:00 pm after a dose of Tylenol and Advil and a lot of walking about with me]; I said no to my siser-in-law's offers of a high chair ["It's just for a couple of days - let's not go to the trouble!" I said with a laugh]; and naps? ["She'll nap in the stroller! She'll be fine!" I said as I waved away cares with my hand]. Of course, she was fine, and she trooped through it all, but by the last night in Varazze, enough was enough. Rachie woke up every half hour to nurse, and she left with a rash all over her body, tired and red eyes, and a continuation of her [now low-grade] fever.

Two days "home" in Toscolano-Moderno, and we finally have our little one back. Normal nap times, properly mashed up food fed in a proper high chair, and asleep in her crib by 7:00, Rachel is happy and healthy again. Seeing her blossom at "home" we knew: Venice was off. Our plan to celebrate Michael's 40th birthday in grand [or at least semi-nice] Venetian style was off the books for the Braun gang. Taking the car 45 minutes to Brescia, then taking a two hour train ride to Venice, then hopping from one water taxi to another....just to walk around the historic city of Venice...is for parents without infants. We have already asked so much of her.

So, we are stuck a little with a baby's routine. But, I'll tell you: it's a glorious thing. What a unique way to see a country! In the time some people see most of Europe ["Ten countries in ten days!"], we are becoming part of this little town. Yesterday, the grocer asked Michael's name and today I was addressed as Segnora Braun; we have our favorite ice cream place [having had the time to try all the ones around here, and there are many]; the old ladies who seem to walk around as much as we do now address me when they see us; I know the city inside and out and am even beginning to notice when flower beds change around town. And, really, we don't do much. Especially when Michael is working, we shop for food [Maddy went today and bought some things by herself: you'd think she'd won the lotto she was so happy], we try and speak Italian, we have little day trips [around Rachel's naps], I have had oodles of quality time with the other kids, and I get to be a mother here. Of course, all of this is a less intellectual experience than one could have[a seeming consequence of motherhood], but it is satisfying nonetheless. We have gone deep, and I have little Rachie to thank.

When in Rome (or Varazze)...

In the Ligurian region, where Varazze resides and from where we just returned, there is a much different feeling of Italy than in our sleepy town of Toscolano-Moderno. In Varazze, the Italians are louder, the clothing more chic [and less of it], the food deliciously different, and people, in general, more adorned. Varazze is a beach town on the sea, with yatchs, and the tanned, fit and gorgeous people who seem to adorn such ships.

Raising down-to-earth kids in such an enviornment must be a little challenging, and my sister-in-law has managed and more. Our kids were enamored with their cousins [and rightfully so] and with their counsins' town; they studied them and the town's kids' every move.

So, perhaps I should not have been surpised when the girls asked for a new swimsuit. A bikini. An Italian bikini.

Hmmm. Let me say that when I started this parenthood gig I took the Waldorf philosophies of parenting very seriously. And part of that idea--while not explicitly stated, I don't think--is that little pre-pubescent girls should not be wearing bikinis. But here's the thing: in Italy, many women and most of the little kids don't wear TOPS at all at the beach, so having a bikini on here is almost modest by comparison. So I said "yes" to the bikini, with the understanding that the little swimsuit was for Italy [or Europe, to be generous] and home. With big nods, and little Rachie and Nicholas escorted up to the apartment with Dad, the girls and I went shopping for an Italian bikini.

Shopping in Varazze is fantastic. The shop people are more than helpful, pulling out this and that, suggesting one style or another, and all the while smiling and telling you how beautiful you are, with big claps of their hands. In every store where the girls looked for their suits there was an excitement in the air: it felt like the scene in Pretty Women where she finally gets to shop the right way. The girls loved it, too: both of them smiling, and speaking Italian the best they could. Finally, both settled on cute little suits: a Betty Boop number for Allie and a yellow fruit-themed suit for Maddy. Pretty and appropriate, really, for their ages. Both beamed as the sales lady handed them their packages, feeling light and happy as the sales lady laughed and waved.

After the pleasure of shopping for them, I decided to steal an hour and look around by myself. Dropping off all the kids with Michael, I was ready to enjoy my own shopping adventure. What felt like something special for the girls turned out to be similar for me: as I pulled out shirts, pants, and dresses to try on, the shop owners, their helpers, and the Italian shoppers all chimed in their two cents about the clothes I tried on. "That one's beautiful! You're gorgeous! That dress is the one for you..." With enthusiasm and glee, these comments were given to me [and everyone else who was trying on clothes] by the super chic, very glamorous and beautiful women in the store. It was all in good fun, too: not fake or laced with additude -- the opposite of all of that. There was a genuine feeling to all these women complimenting one another, laughing, joking, and enjoying the idea of fashion and new clothes. Not once did I see envious side glances or sighs of discontent. We are all lovely and isn't it great! Seemed to be the feeling, all from women ranging in age from 19 - ?

How fun to feel part of this club of women, if even for a few minutes, and how different than shopping in America for clothing. Who knows how I really look in the silky violet halter dress I picked out; I do know, however, that whenever I put it on I will feel lovely and ready for fun, just as I did the day I bought it. No wonder Italian women can walk down the street with such confidence!

As for the girls, today they begged and pleaded to go to the beach to try out their new suits. All fear subsided as -- even in their cute bikinis -- they played in the sand, made castles, fought with their brother, and swam with other kids at the beach. A normal day. Still, in America, I will ask that they resume wearing their tank swimsuits, and that they tuck their Italian bikinis in a back drawer. "When in Rome..." the expression goes. But why does everything have to be so much more FUN while in Rome?

A new venue and some new blood

Today we leave for the town of Varazze in the Ligurian Riviera [see above picture]. You can check out the town here and a little sample of Italian web design [read: there might be some job opportunities for those of you excellent at web design]: http://www.varazze.com/italiano/index.htm .

We are visiting Valerie, Michael's sister, and her family [three kids: 14, 12, 6 and her hilarious Italian husband, Antonio]. Michael's parents are joining us too, as are Michael's cousins and aunt. It will be a big familia gathering...Italian style. I have not seen the Italian family for two years, and none have met Rachel. It should be wonderful to get together again.

The kids are looking forward to seeing their cousins, and I know we are all happy for some new blood. It's been three weeks of a LOT of family time.

Be back Monday with some new stories and pictures!

Ciao for now,

Daphne

It's time to go to a playground or It's beer-thirty somewhere

Italians have a way of making everything as fun as possible. Think of anything enjoyable and the Italians have a corner market: food, wine, ice cream, history, language, art, fashion, cars, family, on and on.... Knowing this, I suppose I shouldn't be that surprised to find out that they have parenthood figured out, too. At first glance, perhaps some can be a little loud with their kids, and it seems that a smack on the butt [or face, as I have seen] gets a cultural O.K. But I am not talking about childhood [which I am sure is, in general, fantastico here, too] but parenthood. Here's what the Italians have figured out:

bar + playground = happiness

Why don't we have this in America? Why must we Americans languish through a 5:00 playdate in the summer, sitting on a concrete turtle sprinkler, sweating through our shirts as moisture pours down our back, butts hurting, brains aching...just so our kids can have some fun? Is it part of some rite of passage in American parenthood that we all must suffer a little during our childrens' playtime?

Well, there's no suffering in Italy. Not for a playtime, anyway. Here, there are BARS at the playgrounds.

Yes. Bars.

While your little tyke[s] run around the playground, you can sit and have a spritz or wine or beer...or an ice cold coke for that matter. And, while you refesh yourself, you sit in a CHAIR under a TREE and someone SERVES you. Hungry? No need to pull out day-old veggie booty and chomp away as if it's enjoyable. You can order some chips and salsa, or nice olives with crackers, or a soft cheese and sliced meat plate. In fact, these bars are so social that even people without kids come and hang out. One of our favorite playground/bars is frequented by very hip, attractive youngsters who are certainly not parents. I can imagine having conversations with them that have nothing to do with kids, and enjoying it very much. In fact, when we go to these playground/bars I do enjoy it very much.

The "playground" we love in Moderno is surrounded by cherry and olive trees, with jasmine plants strategically placed to curl around pots of rosemary and basil. There is often a breeze with gardenia smell, which is just as relaxing as it sounds. We sit on white picnic chairs with a plastic brightly-colored table cloth covering the table, and find shade under an umbrella. A tabby cat calls the bar her home, and she curls underneath our feet and begs when our salami and cracker plate comes ["she's a thief!" we were warned when the food was put down, but I am not sure how much she has to steal when our kids are around]. We are not the only ones enjoying the evening: the kids get a "special" drink too, since such harmony requires a toast. They all love getting ice-cold fizzy water, with a fresh lemon squeeze. They order their water and run to play, only to return red-faced and hot when the drinks come. They gulp down the fizzy water with great pleasure, and one always enjoys a large belch after, with the other two laughing at the defiance. All of this: seven Euros.

Most importantly, no one is drunk here or at any of the bar/playgrounds I have frequented. This is truly just a place to meet. Kids skip, slide, swing, and find friendships on a warm summer evening; in Italy, adults sip, sigh, and do the same.

The Circle Game

On the walls of every Italian town are posted death notices. Big, white paper announcements of recent deaths are plastered next to the SuperShop food discount offerings and other advertisements. These death notices are graceful in their simplicity, with elegantly fonted script and bolded information about age, name, and date of death. I really appreciate that when you die in Italy you get a nice, big notice about town, as if to say, "Hey! This is big news!" For a survivor of a loved one's death, there is no suffering through some small, poorly written obituary in the town's paper and no need to call neighbors about the loss: the news is already [literaly] all over town, and everyone can grieve and celebrate life, together.

On our way to the market today, we noticed a new one had been plastered on the wall, for a 91 year old woman who died two days ago. The kids and I stopped and reflected about her life a minute--surely this woman had seen a lot--and imagined facts about her. A graceful Madonna was painted near her name, and her peaceful presence gave the whole announcement a sleepy, realxed feel.

I imagine that she was like so many of the wonderful older women we are meeting around Toscolano and Moderno. Without exception, they stop and compliment me about the kids, or have a special smile for Rachel. Never have I been around a culture so sure of the blessings of children, nor ready to welcome them into the world. Rachel has seized the spirit, and is now a full-on bambina ham, expertly executing the endearing little backward wave adults give children. Say "ciao" and Rachel will perform the Italian hand wave usually on cue, much to the delight of all the older women, and to the delight of us.

The Bicycle Ride

My lovely sister-in-law [who married an Italian and lives here in Italy] tells me that there is an expression in Italian that goes something like, "you asked for the bicycle...now ride it." I thought of that expression a couple of times today, as this morning Michael left to teach for a week, and I am here in Toscolano with four kids, a few Italian phrases, and no car. It was my choice to stay here alone with the kids, as I could have gone down to the coast with my sister-in-law and her family or have even suggested that my in-laws come here to help me out [they offered and we get along great]. But, really, I am 37 years old, and should be able to handle this challenge. So, for the next week, I am riding my bicycle.

Today, day one, went well, although I am so tired the back of my eyes hurt. Part of my exhaustion comes from living in a culture where efficiency is not as highly valued as in my own. Here's my two cents about being here with a big family: the laundry machines are too small and take too long to wash so I am always doing laundry; the speed in which Italian cars wizz past on cobble-stone roads is ridiculously unsafe as the roads are big enough for two horses but not two cars and as such require at LEAST one adult per child for optimum safety; and having to go shopping every day for food is fantastic when you are by yourself and can enjoy the pleasures of finding the perfect peach on Monday, a ripe melon on Tuesday, etc., but is less enthralling with four kids. This is especially true when your four children are all under ten, and when child one is looking at milk products and discussing the "fantastic" and "delicious" options available of sweet milky desserts, child two is screaming about child three, child three is complaining about being hungry and "I mean hungry like I am going to die hungry," and child four is leaving small bits of Plasmon cookies everywhere much to the disgust of the shopowner. Would it ruin Italian culture to have a Target around where they could buy everything all at one place for the week? OK, it probably would, which is why we--and they--grin and bear it [or love it], and make every little trip an adventure.

So I will do the same. Today's big adventure was two fold: going to the store and going to the beach. First, I am proud to say I ordered all sorts of things from the butcher today, and got neither too much nor too little meat, two beautiful frittatas from the kitchen, and three whole wheat rolls from the baker. The kids did so well that the shop owner gave them all jellied fruit bon-bons, which Nicholas waited until AFTER we got out of the store to spit out [well done, Nick]. We ate like kings at lunch, although I think all the kids were tired of me re-living my ordering experience, but did not say so.

The second big adventure was that we walked to the beach. The beach is a good mile and a half away, which doesn't sound like much, but see above note about the cars. We made it there alive and in good spirits, and I was even asked directions by an Italian [I am blending! Of course, who travels alone with four kids, so I am sure she thought I must be local, but still...she thought I LIVED here!!] Anyway, we have rented our little beach chairs from the same nice man for three days, and today he gave us half off: the deal was that for today he speaks to me in English and I answer in Italian. This creates a funny exchange, as his English rivals my Italian, so we both primarily shout out nouns. I pointed to the balloons the kids were given by the ice cream vendor and shouted out: palloncini! [why do I know this word?] and he says balloon! and I say umbrellini! and he says umbrellas! and so on. The kids and I giggled a lot on our way to our beach chairs.

After a cold swim, a long walk back [with me screaming, "a car is coming, hug the wall, kids, HUG THE WALL!!"], and sighs of missing Dad, the kids crashed into bed. The last thing Nick told me tonight was that he thought today was fun. I am glad he thought so, because it was just the sort of a day I was hoping for, too. Ride on, kiddos, ride on.

Two gentlemen and four ladies in Verona

Today, we went to Verona. This time, we had a plan: lunch at a restaurant off the beaten path, a visit to Juliet's balcony [yes, that Juliet of Verona], and a walk through the Renaissance gardens of a knight of Verona. Home by 6:00. It was time to get Swiss about this Italian adventure.

Lunch was fantastic. We are committed to eating new foods, and today Michael and I ordered well. A delicious fresh pasta with garden mushrooms and veal chop for him, three-cheese stuffed zuchinni flowers for me. A glass of light red wine for us both, and fresh, crusty bread to even things out. While Nicki asked if they had a hot dog or grilled cheese [no luck on that, kiddo], he enjoyed Michael's pasta and all four managed to fill up on bread, ham, pasta, melon, mushrooms, and water "with gas". I am proud of their flexibility in eating, as they have all but given up on the idea that there will be a "kids' menu". Children here eat what the adults eat, or not - and go hungry. I love it: cuisine is such an excellent way to understand cultures that I would be very disappointed if they could have boring kids' food at every meal. This way, we don't have to fight it.

Verona is a dream. It is a beautiful city with gorgeous shops filled with the lastest fashions in shoes and clothes. Every little apartment has red geraniums or some other lush, full flower, in a window box, making the whole city alive with natual color. I felt like Ferdinand , and wanted to just sit and look at the flowers [of course, in his case he wanted to sit and eat the flowers, but I think the general sentiment is the same]. People watching is enjoyable, too, as tailored clothes and snappy shoes seem to be the norm: not too much or too silly, just people looking fit and elegant. I suppose the people of Verona must keep a long tradition of looking "just so."

But I have four children! So, off we went to look around. Juliet's balcony is the tourist trap it should be, but lovely all the same. People have put love notes on the wall before her balcony, and just a look around one sees a world full of languages with professions of enduring love. It is all very sweet and romantic, as are the young women who wait in line for 30 minutes or more to stand on Juliet's balcony while their boyfriend/husband/lover snaps a picture or two from below. One woman threw her long, curly, brown hair over her shoulder and puckered for her boyfriend as he took a picture and sent her an air kiss. I loved that moment for them, and for the fact that whatever else is going on the world, people are still in crazy love.

The garden was less touristy. In fact, we were the only ones there. Too bad, for it is a little gem. In it, one can see the tradition of precision and beauty that allows Italians to make some of the finest and most beautiful automobiles in the world. Here, the garden was perfect in its lines and yet still accessible in its design. Michael started races between the kids to make it through the brush maze, and by all counts the kids had a fantastic time. I felt my tradition as "Mama" and the ghost of the mothers before me -- perhaps in the very spot I stood -- as I watched an activity that had gone on for hundreds of years: giggling children running through the garden mazes with glee. To think that in a few years, our children may be professing their love on stolen scraps of paper. It made the moment all the sweeter.